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27) It is Not Happening to Us, It is Happening for Us!

This week we are going to explore the idea that we are somehow victims of our life and have no say in what happens to us. The truth is, everything is happening for us, exactly as planned, and totally determined by the Law of Attraction. Even though we often times think our lives have derailed and something has gone terribly wrong, it really hasn’t. It is just our egos trying to cause us trouble. If we can understand that our life lessons are there for our highest potential, we can approach them in a much more solution oriented and positive way. I will give you a brief description of the Law of Attraction and how it works. I will also share a few examples of challenging situations where I initially felt victimized and how I was able to reframe my thoughts and reclaim my personal power to experience profound personal growth and a higher vibration.

Let’s begin with The Law of Attraction. My favorite source for learning about The Law of Attraction is Abraham Hicks. For those of you who are not familiar with her work, you can look the name up. You will find the origin of Abraham interesting to say the least and for some of you, it might be a little out there. Regardless, Abraham Hicks has awesome short videos that describe the Law of Attraction and how it works. Basically, we have our subconscious thoughts (ego, brain BS) and our conscious thoughts (higher self, soul). Our soul always has a higher vibration that serves us and is pure. Unfortunately, our subconscious brain has a much lower vibration and is usually our point of attraction because this is where we primarily reside 95% of the time. This means we frequently attract negative people and events into our lives and don’t even realize it. We think things are just happening to us and we have no control over that. The truth is we can have so much more control and a better life if we learn how to manage our vibration on purpose by thinking consciously. easier said than done, you can see how this is a much more empowering way to approach life.

So let’s put this in the context of a challenging time in my life. I think I have previously spoken about what I lovingly call The Meltdown in Santa Barbara that I had a couple years ago. As a little background, it all started the day after Thanksgiving after celebrating the holiday with a family. I had gone to OH and already felt sick on the plane ride home and would continue to feel that way for most of November and December. As I look back now, I really think I could have had Covid because I have never been that sick with respiratory issues and a sinus infection. However, it was the holidays, the girls were home for weeks, and I can be very thick headed when I want to be, so I did not miss a beat. I continued to socialize, go to parties, hosted Christmas and then flew out to Santa Barbara for a family vacation. My denial and inability to accept my limitations eventually caught up with me, and I lost it with my husband in our walk-in closet at the end of our trip. My stepdaughters overheard me yelling at my husband like Lucifer because I just needed everybody to go home. I needed quiet, peace of mind and rest and could not take it any longer. At this point my subconscious was totally in charge and I was attracting more negativity to my already negative state of being. My behavior upset the girls and my husband, and I initially felt horrible about tall of that until I reframed the whole period of time.

The way I reframed it was by looking at how everything happened for me, not to me. I realized that it was all my own fault. I did not acknowledge I was sick because I did not want to put a damper on the festivities. I also did not want to make my needs a priority because it felt uncomfortable and selfish. I also thought as a stepmom, nobody really cared about what I wanted which was total brain BS. Because I had a low opinion of myself and no boundaries established at that time, my resentment was off the charts. The first thing I did when I got back to IL after that trip, was go see a therapist. She helped me for a couple sessions but then I found the book A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and I said goodbye to her. A New Earth blew my mind because I learned about the ego and that we are not our thoughts. OMG! I loved the book instantly and knew I would never approach my life the same way. I decided with that book, that my spirituality and inner work were my priority in life. After making that commitment, the Universe and The Law of Attraction introduced me to Brooke Castillo, and I ended up learning about thought work and getting certified as a life coach. What felt like a very dark and challenging time for me, ended up being by “broken open” moment and is the best thing that ever happened to me. I learned how to make myself a priority and to love myself again. I learned how to set clear boundaries and reinforce them. I learned that my needs are just as important as everybody else’s and what I think of myself is the most important opinion I should worry about. I also learned my new mantra which is I show up in a kind and loving way with family, which also means honest and authentic. This also means I might disappoint loved ones at times and that it is their responsibility to manage their own minds, not mine! I totally reclaimed my personal power and it felt really good!

Okay, let’s talk about another time I felt like something was happening to me and not for me. When I was in graduate school at St. Catherine University, I had to do lots of little speaking engagements on elder care consulting. Most of those speaking engagements took place at the North Brook Suburban YMCA in the adult lecture series. Typically, when I was scheduled to speak, only 1-2 people would show up and sometimes nobody did! At the time, I didn’t get too worked up over it, but it did get a little discouraging after a while. When I finished the program and continued to advertise locally for home safety assessments and a proactive approach to aging, nobody was taking the bait. I began to see that many people do not want to deal with the challenges of aging before they must, which translated to no clients for me. In desperation, I was inspired to join a few of the local chambers and try to do some networking in person to generate a little energy. Unfortunately, Covid hit right after that, and everything shut down.

Now I could have thrown in the towel at this point, but I didn’t. I just made a strategic and exciting pivot after much consideration. Because of Covid and all the restrictions it required; I was propelled in a different direction with my business. Instead of working with older people in their homes as an eldercare consultant, I decided to get certified as a life coach and started helping middle-aged women to love themselves and their lives again online. To say it was one of the best decisions of my life would be an understatement! I can now work from anywhere which solves the problem of having two homes in different states. I also get to spend the day at home with my pups, enjoy a flexible schedule, have a blast doing what I love, and making money doing it! Most important, however, is the personal growth I have experienced from self-coaching and getting coached by other coaches who can see my blind-spots that are hidden from my view. At any point, I could have given up and nobody would have judged me for it. They would have understood the challenges of a pandemic and even had sympathy for me. They would have admired me for all my efforts and given me a pat on my back. I knew though, that my opinion was the only one that mattered and giving up was not an option. I saw the gift in why it was all happening and found a way to make it work in my favor. Because I was positive and open to all of the possibilities, I attracted an awesome outcome that I would have never imagined a few years ago. I love being a life coach!

Okay, let’s discuss another example of how I initially felt victimized, only to reclaim my personal power and this one is ongoing. As we know from previous posts, the only way we can feel anything is because of a thought we are having or have had many times in the past. It is so inspiring to know you can actually tap into your own personal power just by changing one small thought from it is happening to me, to it is happening for me. I have never had to rely on this shift or thought as much as I do as a new entrepreneur and businesswomen at the age of 57! Oh my goodness, does it feel like things are happening to you! Whew, I could go on and on with the examples of how daunting and intimidating it can be to demonstrate such vulnerability and be willing to experience so many uncomfortable emotions like anxiety, rejection, and shame to name just a few! When you spend all of your time trying to create content that will help people and you have no idea if it is working or not, it can create insecurity. When you post in your Facebook groups and all you can hear is the crickets, it can create a little discomfort. When you create a funnel ad and give an awesome freebie called Loving Yourself Guide and you don’t get much feedback about whether it is working or not, it can make you wonder. When you spend every week writing a blog and doing a podcast episode and you have no idea of how to give more people in pain access to it, you can get frustrated. When you offer a free consultation for 60 minutes and you want to figure out how to inspire more people to take you up on it, it can get confusing. You get the idea, right?

So how do I deal with all of that? By managing my mind and keeping my point of attraction a positive one. Sometimes I falter and get lost in brain BS for a day or two, but I always come back to my higher self and my soul. I understand I need to keep my thoughts clean and always remember that literally everything that is happening daily is truly for me! Every time I feel the least bit crappy, it is the Universe letting me know I am not in alignment with my higher self. It is an indication that I have some thought work to do. Anytime I feel any uncomfortable emotions, I know that I am not in abundance, and I am not attracting what I want into my life. This means I have to acknowledge the feelings that are there, not make them a big problem, process them, and release them. Our emotions guide us as to whether or not we are in alignment with our soul. Period.It is actually pretty simple. How do we know if we have been successful at raising our vibration and getting in alignment? By the reality we experience and what we manifest into our lives. I don’t have as many clients as I would like yet and have not made my money goal, so I know I have lots of work to do. Instead of making this a big problem, I just get busy with the inner work and hired an intuitive business coach who is all about The Law of Attraction.

In conclusion, the next time you feel like life is going against you in some way and are tempted to give yourself a little pity party, think again! That is not going to serve you or anybody else for that matter. Instead, tweak a common thought many of us have and change it from life is happening to me, to life is happening for me. This little adjustment can help you to reclaim your personal power and create whatever results you want in your life. Your only job is to maintain a higher vibration. Now I know this is no easy feat because we are all humans with a brain. The idea is not perfection though, it is just to try to learn the lessons being offered to you by the Universe and whenever you can, find a way to feel at least a little better. Also, remember, every time you feel bad it is actually a gift because that is the Universe telling you that you are out of alignment and not attracting what you want in life. Join me in The Brain BS Podcast to discuss this further!

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